TISM

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    1983 Stymied in their quest to find out the meaning of “stymie”, TISM pack their stymie and hit the road. They are led by alcoholic genius Don Bradnam. Bradnam’s unshakable belief in his cricketing abilities is matched only by the completeness of his failure. He writes 300 TISM songs during tea breaks and rain delays, and dies on December 7 1983. He remains the only batsman whose career average (0.9994) exactly equals his blood alcohol reading. Unable to recognize his own utter inadequacies, blind to the harm he was doing others, and pugnaciously insistent on his own beliefs, many feel that if Bradnam were around today he would have been one of the great leaders of the National Party. TISM split, their final gesture being a solemn division of what remains of their stymie. 1984-2003 TISM release six albums and three EPs of Bradnam’s songs. The scale of their achievement is perhaps summarized best by Barnaby Joyce, who said that, for him, the band “redefined the meaning of the term ‘sexual dysfunction.’” January 2020 Shady ultra-secretive Swedish outfit Spotify release all of Bradnam’s songs. Spotify is Swedish for “cis-gendered ethno-nationalists”, and many speculate that it has been formed to take revenge for the Swiss losing the battle of Marignano in 1515. TISM say: “We look forward to great success on Spotify, and hope to achieve the 4.7 million downloads it will take for them to pay us the final $7.50 we need for our osteoarthritis pills.” Oscar Wildebeest