Beards! She's stretched out naked in front of me With her finger to her lips She beckons me to the bedroom With a shake of her hips. She says "Baby I want your lovin'" As she takes me by the hand "I want you to give it to me The way that only a bearded man can." And I say I'm not in the mood for makin love tonight I don't wanna lay you down beneath that candle-light I don't wanna draw you near and hold your body tight I've only got one thing One thing on my mind I'm in the mood I'm in the mood I'm in the mood I'm in the mood For beards She wraps her legs around me And whispers in my ear "I wanna feel every piece of you Including your magnificent beard" She kisses my lips so tenderly But I don't even care Cos I can't seem to get my mind Off of my facial hair, so I say So sick of getting offered sex everywhere I turn Beards are all I need, when will you ladies learn, that I'm Not in the mood for a little romance I'm not in the mood for the no pants dance Not in the mood for strokin' For pink-bit pokin' Chocolate sauce, Intercourse Oh no, no, no, no, no I'm in the mood I'm in the mood I'm in the mood I'm in the mood For beards