My three addictions
Won't get me criminal convictions
You can laugh and pooh-pooh
But if you have them too
You know they're quite serious afflictions
My three addictions
My first one is to food
I should eat more things that are good
But if it's bad, I'll still eat it
You don't even have to reheat it
Because it's one of my addictions
And I've got three
Oh, my addictions are so good to me
My second one is to movies
And most folks say, "Hey, movies is groovy"
But when you're like me, you need that really pure stuff
And they just don't make enough
To satisfy this addiction
And I've got three
Oh, my addictions are getting to me
They're not as sexy as heroin
But they're as dangerous as crack rock
Everybody has got theirs
And I'm just taking stock
My third one is to girls who won't date me
I'm not talking 'bout girls who hate me
They think I'm alright and they're not fakin'
But they're already taken
You've got a boyfriend? That's cool
You've got a girlfriend on the side too
Well, that's two reasons you won't have me
I wish I was more savvy
So I could see through my addictions
My three addictions
Said, my three addictions
Won't get me criminal convictions
You can laugh and pooh-pooh
But if you have them too
You know what it's like