If you're feeling lonely, and if you're feeling blue
And things are at their worst
If you know your history, then just do what I do
Sing a song about Elizabeth the First
Some say she was a tyrant
She was mean to all her vassals
But then hey, I wasn't there
Maybe her vassals all were assholes
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
And her daddy left four step moms
With the women that he wedded
And he got a little paranoid and
Had her mom beheaded
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
And her cousin tried to kill her
So she locked her in a garrison
It makes your folks divorce
Pretty minor by comparison
Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
Take that crazy crown on off your head
The Spanish armada has been battled back to Spain
And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed
She had a lot of suitors
Lots of princes made a pass at her
I bet that once or twice
She would make out with an ambassador
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
But the couriers and courtiers
Were uppity and boring
She had crushes on explorers
But they always went exploring
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
So she never kept a king
She held her independence higher
And her sexual frustration
She just took it out on Ireland
Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
Wipe that crazy frown on off your head
The Catholic insurgents are all lying in a ditch
And now you run the middle ages from the Middle of your bed
And they named a colony after her
And they called it Virginia
'Cause she's the Virgin Queen
Which seems to me awfully personal
Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
Wipe those crazy tears on off your head
Your poets and your pirates, they all like you as a friend
And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed