Grettings, greetings... Come in... Do, come in, please January, lookin well February, how's the wife? Good, good September? How are the children? Splendid Please, do come through Sit down, sit down Is everybody here? Marvelous Then let's begin... We rely, on people buying what we sell them And we thrive, on gluttony and greed We provide, a range of seasons As the motivation and the reasons To buy things that they don't need They comply and always do just what we tell them And inside, it makes them feel complete But when they find The feeling has depleted They are desperate to repeat it So buy more things they don't need January is the month that we dedicate to fitness Coz everybody feels fat and guilty after Christmas So we sell them memberships to gyms and all the kits And they go once or twice but in a few months they all quit! And february is a month that's lucrative for us Coz Valentine's Day makes everyone have to prove their love So we sell flowers, chocolate, even jewellery to these chupms And they buy it all coz they know If they don't then they'll get dumped! And March is when we all dress up to celebrate St Patrick's Day Wheter ot not we've got a DROP of irish blood inside our veins And to tell the truth is still don't know what it all means But i know one thing, it's literally a license to print green! And Easter was supposed to be when Jesus returned from the death But our research shows that people prefer fluffy bunnies instead And if you've still got any chocolate from Valentine's Day left You can melt it down, reshape it and resell it all as eggs! We rely, on people buying what we sell them And we thrive, on gluttony and greed We provide, a range of seasons As the motivation and the reasons To buy things that they don't need They comply and always do just what we tell them And inside, it makes them feel complete But when they find The feeling has depleted They are desperate to repeat it So buy more things they don't need There wasn't really much un June so we created Father's Day As yet another chance for us to saturate the marketplace So now you can take any tat and peddle it for cash As long as it comes decorate with a little tash! July the 4th is also known as Independence Day Which right now they just celebrate in the United States But we'll have it here soon too just as long as I have my way You don't believe me? Look we've already got Black Friday! Now August might seem quiet but don't get it misconstrued Coz here is where your Christmas stock can first get introduced I know you think im crazy You say "is way too soon" But it gets earlier and earlier Next year we'll start in June! The kids all go back to school at the beginning of September And they want branded jackets, bags and shoes thanks to peer pressure And this is where we first implant the seed inside their heads That you need material items in order to feel content! Now Halloween is something that we've only just acquire But boy am I glad that we did, the concept is inspired! Coz we sell sweets to grown ups who are blissfully ignoring The fact that tricks or treat is simply door to door extortion! Now contrary to Halloween which has only just arrived We've been profiteering in November since 1605 But as well as Bonfire Night and Guy Fawkes now it's even better Coz we make twice as much from those masks from V for vendetta And now December is the month that we've all been waiting for Where we gorge ourselves on food and drink and Christmas gifts galore! And the mascot that we've chosen is too fitting to be true... A fat white man in a Coca Cola suit On boxing day we make sure everyone runs to the store To buy all the things they weren't given just the day before And then it's New Years Eve and everyone counts down from 10 And then the very next day the whole cycle starts again!! Now i know the observant ones amongst you have something to say "You didn't mention any events in the month of May" So let's create one right now and make everybody pay In fact lets cut straight to the chase And just call it... Retail Dayyyyyyy!