Here it is, the end Alone without a friend I'm looking back on a life where I never took my chances, my heart wasn't in it There was the odd smile, the odd laugh but I never enjoyed one minute Never had a job, never travelled, no sign of a wife No children, never had a hobby, never experienced life Now I'm dying and soon I'll be crashing out of a world that I barely even tasted A whole lifetime wasted I've been sitting here and wondering what happened to the time I had a feeling that forever wasn't real and now it's here and looking at me Like a figure in the mirror Getting bigger coming nearer to my heart and lungs Everything I didn't do is occupying And I'm sighing as I'm trying to avoid the trap of buying into anything I'm crying at supplying all the lying and denying underlying shit when I was young All the springs that have been sprung All the spins that have been spun All the stings when I've been stung Now you know I know I never should've bit my tongue And now I'm reeling cos I'm dealing with the feeling of the ceiling crashing in on me Because I know that usually it's never how it used to be And universally you could've filled a million parks up with the swings I've swung I should've focused on the future not the past But every day I knew it could've been my last I had to keep up with a place that was changing at the pace of Mo Farah in a race And it ran too fast All the situations I've been through All the knowledge that I wish I never knew All the times that I looked at the glass There was someone looking back but I didn't know who Half of the time my mind was off grid If I'd have took it any deeper I'd be swimming with the squid Praying for a saviour and feeling like a failure Well life's too short when you live it like I did All the years that I only had my pillow All the weeks I was weeping like a willow I was crunchy on the outside Soft on the inside and bumbling through like a hairy armadillo Did I ever try hard enough? Did I ever even have it that rough Was I doomed from the start did I ever have a chance was the voice in my head too tough Shaming myself and flaming myself I've been living in the gutter cos I'm blaming myself Being in a hurry to be dealing with the worry When I'm looking at the map I'm going down the wrong road Wishing that the people that I cared about could help me But my heart was too proud and my head was in the clouds If I ever tried to speak up from within I got the trembles on my skin I might as well have been talking in code In the moments that it mattered did I ever have the courage to be present Did I ever want to flourish my resent was always there I thought I didn't really care But backing out and saying nothing was my default mode I never thought that I would live in so much sorrow I never even thought I'd live to see tomorrow I never bothered with beginning to be living Never grinning never winning I was slinging mud and sinning Cos I never knew how but the game is over now That's a promise not a threat I've got nothing but regret I was waiting to awaken I was shaken and forgiving was a gift I could have taken that I didn't even borrow The executioner the judge and the jury Punching with the power of a manic Tyson Fury Sentencing me to a life of misery I should've thrown in the white towel to end it prematurely But instead I let it rot like a tree My inner monologue was suffocating me If I could pick it wasn't what I'd wanna be In a life that was plagued by despondency I was stuck, it was anything but great Never was it ever too little too late But I stopped, I wrote my own fate Destiny's here to take me on a date And I'm down, all hope is gone No more need to try to hold on and I'm glad To say my goodbyes to everything I never had The End