I remember back on our very first date
In the back seat of me car
I wanted you to go all the way
But you wouldn't go that far
I wanted you to hold me dick
You wanted to hold me hand
And when I accidentally brushed your tit
I just blew it and come in me pants
And it was over
Before it began
I'll never forget the strain and the sweat
As I fumbled with your gear
A hundred degrees with the windows wound up
So your Mum and Dad couldn't hear
Tryin' me best to unzip your dress
And unhook your bra with one hand
And just when I thought I was doin' all right
I come in me pants again
And it was over
Before it began
Blouses and buttons and bras and buckles
And 'Stop it, I'm gettin' cold'
First time I've had a tit in me mouth
Since I was nine months old
I had lovers' balls and you had no idea
Of the pitch of me passion and pain
Tryin' to stay cool with me knackers on fire
I come in me pants again, oh shit and again
You wouldn't give and I wouldn't go
And we couldn't seem to agree
You got the giggles and I got the shits
Then you wouldn't talk to me
And when we made up and we started again
Your Dad banged on the roof and he yelled
'What are you two kids up to in there?'
And I shit in me pants as well
And it was over
Before it began
You hear people say that they'd love to go back
And do things that they did in the past
But if you reckon they were the real good old days
You can go stick 'em right up your arse!
'Cause when I look back how I came and I went
With a tear in me eye I recall
How me, I had a cunt of a night
But me undies had a ball
And it was over
Before it began