They say 2020 is hindsight And if the lens' dirty then certainly there's a blindside And if you're not ready for change then that just might Take plenty plenty of pain to get your mind right Apparently I'm that type Year begins with magic but apparently I'm not hype 'Cause I hate the pressure that comes with the spotlight Plus I don't like too much pepe in my jollof rice Sunday night, Brooklyn Heights, 55 Clark St Middle of winter, got them boots around my cold feet Straight A's and self doubt, exhaustion had me beat 'Til I graduated and returned to the African heat They say all good things end And I pretend that I'm ok with how my time is spent And I descend into a pre-existential whirlwind And so my boyfriend tells me that he wanna be just friends That slap different like black parents Man you finna switch up and act different like wack friends No need to pitch up a plaque Or reference back to how we dreamt about a future as black parents, That's passed tense? Now I'm presently just tense I brood & brood man I'm Hitchcock with the suspense Adopt a mood or default to my pretence And deny that I'm affected and invest in something more intense So I let my pride get to me In this concrete jungle I forget the bare necessities First a nibble, then a bite, clean right off the hand the that feeds Forget my worries and my strife, cook the perfect recipe For disaster, let my flesh get the best of me Insomnia remastered, lost a couple Kgs Can someone tell my pastor, and my church community These online meetings are messing with my accountability Cause in my turmoil, I turn to burn oil Past midnight, I'm buried in work and embroiled In late nights, entangled this bro is not loyal The burnout and panic attacks from plans foiled Quarter life crisis Couldn't handle pain so I turned to my vices Losing life to gain worldly things, dear Christ this Variety Game is not worth the price list Last year was a war for my life - Nicolo Machiavelli Not by my power or might cause that's not steady I had to hang tight cause that's life and it's heavy heavy On the road to recovery Let the Spirit lead, let my mama's prayers cover me Everywhere I be, people talking major key But this a push to start, #JesusAndTherapy