The streets of the USA are not safe tonight
Fat people everywhere have started to unite
They're sick of being force fed shit from Jenny Craig
They're beating everyone in sight with turkey legs
Oh baby don't go outside this uprising's been super-sized
I can't believe what I see, it's a XXXL insurgency
They're looting storefronts, they're torching cars
Their hands are greasy from those chips and candy bars
What made them do this, what was the cause?
Toilets across the nation are not being clogged
Six in ten Americans publicly wearing sweatpants
I can't away, they take up two seats on the train
This city smells like a garbage strike
They're setting fire to their exercise bikes
Can't stop them now what'll shut their mouths
The only thing that's gonna shut them down is a heart attack