Alisha Pitson was the first girl I ever fancied
Jamie Morrison was the first boy I ever fancied
Michael Warren was the first boy I punched in the face
Amy Page was the first girl to save me
After I smashed my head open
Craig Thomas was the first boy I saw bosh a load of drugs
Alex Driscoll was the one with the breasts bigger than her head
Scott Thyer was the first kid I saw bully a teacher
Let me shave her pussy, what a darling
Lee Maunder was banned from playing in the cup final
Holy Evans could touch her tongue with her nostrils
Alex Wilkins made me realise you don't have to be smart to pull girls
It's more useful to be big
Mrs. Hanford was the first teacher to give me two hundred lines
I still love her, what a women
Deri Wilson is my skinny brother with a massive cock
And concave chest
Tells his mother to fuck off
Was the first girl to get fingered in my science lesson
Now that's biology for you
Will Riley was the first boy to smoke a spiff before class
Will Riley was also the first person to get a blowjob before class
Nicky Pro was the first person smart enough to block the hydra slide
Danielle French was the first girl to make me so hard
I learned how to swim
Robert Smith made sure I never got a look in
Will Atkinson was the first boy to lose his virginity
Mary Richards was the first girl who gave me pains in my chest
Fat Terry fell over when we kicked the ball at him
Kyle Clutterbuck went to jail first
Linzi Crooker was the first person that didn't invite me to her party
Lisa Carmichael was the first person I asked out
Hussain Latif was the first person to make me laugh my head off
I was the first to get out
Thank Fuck For That