The gods are real
Like, the Greek gods
Like the ones you learned about
But weren't paying attention to
Well, they don't pay attention to you, either
Especially if you're their kid
The gods have godly things to do
Godly places they need to see
Godly plans they need to make
That don't include me
Yeah, the gods are real
And they have kids
And those kids have issues
Issues
'Cause daddy doesn't love me
And mommy is a god
Mommy can't protect me
And daddy is a god
Mommy is too busy
And daddy is too busy
Busy, busy, busy, busy being a god
Yeah
You never listen to me
You never listen
You never listen to me
You never listen, no
You never listen but
Now you're gonna listen
'Cause it's time you heard our side of the story
It's time you heard our story
Look!
I didn't wanna be a half-blood
I didn't ask to be a hero, seeking praise
Being a half-blood, it's scary
It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways
I didn't want to cause trouble, trouble
I'm less a player and more the played
And, honestly, I'd totally be fine
If I could make it to the next grade, next grade
It wasn't dirty socks or my stepdad
It was danger that I smelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled
Maybe you don't know what a half-blood is because your life is normal
And happy and not constantly in danger
But my life? Hm. Let me set the scene
We were on this freaky field trip (freaky trip)
That's when this story should probably start (ooh-ooh-ooh)
We were geeking out on ancient Greek
At the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art
We stopped by all the statues
And learned about the gods
With Mr. Brunner and my substitute, Mrs. Dodds
Hadn't done nothing wrong
Wasn't rude
Hadn't rebelled
On the day it all went down
The day I got expelled
The Greek gods!
Almighty titans of earth, sea, and sky
But even they were children once, and they didn't have it easy
Their father, Kronos
Feared the day his children would inherit the earth
So what did he do?
Anyone? Anyone?
He ate them
Ah, thank you, Mrs. Dodds
But one child, Zeus
Escaped and devised a plan to rescue his brothers and sisters
He tricked Kronos into eating a rock
And what did Kronos do?
Anyone? Any student?
He vomited them up
I didn't really get the story
At least it wasn't boring, as I'd feared
But is it me, or is Greek mythology
Not deeply weird?
I didn't want to pay attention (pay attention, pay attention)
Now I wish I had taken notes
But my focus is in question
And gods and indigestion caused a groan from all our throats
Ew!
Baaaaaah!
Dude, what was that?
Uh, nothing!
My best friend was acting strange
At which he so excelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled
Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?
Ask Nancy Bobofit, she's a monster
Well, not literally, I don't think
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you
I stopped it, with my head
Grover, you are a good friend
Aw, dude, I'm your only friend
Percy Jackson!
I knew something was up
When I heard my name get yelled
The day it all went down
I saw something odd in Mrs. Dodds' frown
The day it all got weird
The day I got expelled
Mr. Jackson
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Mr. Jackson
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Mr. Jackson!
Please see me by the sphinx
Look, if this is about Nancy Bobofit
She only hates me because I tried to get
Her to stop wedgie-ing the first graders
I have heard much about you, Percy Jackson
Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute
Kicked out of five schools in six years
One might question your parentage
Hey, don't talk about my mom
And your father?
That's right, you don't know who he is, hahaha
What is this about, anyway? (hahaha)
Uh, Mrs. Dodds? (hahaha)
You have something growing on your (hahaha)
Ha!
What ho, Percy!
Mr. Brunner! What am I supposed to do with a pen?
Sword! Whoa!
Oh, brrr, aaagh!
Mr. Brunner?
Mrs. Dodds?
Um, I didn't know what just had happened
Was that all a creepy, crazy dream?
My teacher was a creature
Then she vanished in the ether
With a demon scream
The next thing that I knew
I was where detention was held
The day it all got real
The day I got
Expelled?
I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision
You were supposed to stay with the group
And this was your final warning
But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds!
She lured me away, she attacked me and you saw it!
Did I?
And you gave me that pen!
Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword, and
What?
Percy, we've never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds
Perhaps it's for the best
This wasn't the place for you
It was only a matter of time before
I got kicked out?
That's not what I was going to
You think I'm trouble, just like everyone else
No, but, that is to say
I can only accept the best from you, Percy
Someday you'll understand why
I'm truly sorry
Yeah, well, I'm sorry I let you down
Maybe he's right
You never fit in at this school, anyway, you're not exactly
Normal?
Exactly! Hahahaha, I mean, uh, I'll see you on the bus
So if you think you are a half-blood
Better get headed to the exits now
'Cause folks will think you're lying
Better run and don't start crying
'Cause you're monster chow
Or stick around and maybe you'll learn from me
This ain't Odysseus' Odyssey
So hear me out
If you're so compelled
But nobody listens to me
They never listen
Nobody listens to me
They never listen, no
Dude!
You got expelled
I didn't wanna be a half-blood
I didn't ask to be a half-blood (expelled)
Expelled!