I was five years old when I first questioned the value of my life
I don't know why the ignorant bliss most kids experience
Fully missed me
But it did
My mother was dropping me off at the school yard
When I asked her if I was a mistake
I could tell I disturbed her
And that these thoughts weren't constant yet
They were the birth of many troubling years to come
Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life
By the time I was twelve I was fully convinced I wanted to die
I saw no love or beauty in anything
My reflection disgusted me and all I had were bad thoughts now
My problems felt unimportant and I insignificant in my own home
I saw how badly my mother was hurting too
The last thing I wanted was to burden her further
So I thought it best I go to sleep for a very long time
But when I woke
I was rather disappointed
Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life
At sixteen years old I dropped out of school
And decided to give the old happy pills a chance
Those didn't seem to help too much though
My faculties continued to fail me time and time again
It was at my childhood friends birthday that I really lost it
Smashing my head into my poor mothers car
I was hospitalized shortly after
Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life
Please forgive me mama
I know that it killed you inside
Your tears weren't for nothing
I'm having the time of my life
(Voicemail from mother plays)
I'm having the time of my life