BAKER (To Jack)
It's because of you there's a Giant in our midst
And my Wife is dead!
JACK
But it isn't my fault,
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away
My cow for beans!
And without those beans
There'd have been no stalk
To get up to the Giants
In the first place!
BAKER
Wait a minute, magic beans
For a cow so old
That you had to tell
A lie to sell
It, which you told!
Were they worthless beans?
Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who
Persuaded you
To steal that gold.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Jack)
See, it's your fault.
JACK
No!
BAKER
So it's you fault...
JACK
No!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Yes, it is!
JACK
It's not!
BAKER
It's true.
JACK
Wait a minute-
But I only stole the gold
To get my
Cow back from you!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Baker)
So it's your fault!
JACK
Yes!
BAKER
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans,
But our house was cursed.
She made us get the cow to get
The curse reversed!
WITCH
It's your father's fault
That the curse got placed
And the place got cursed
In the first place!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Oh.
Then it's his fault!
WITCH
So.
CINDERELLA
It was his fault...
JACK
No.
BAKER
Yes, it is,
It's his.
CINDERELLA
I guess...
JACK
Wait a minute, though-
I chopped down the beanstalk-
Right? That's clear.
But without any beanstalk,
Then what's queer
Is how did the second Giant get down here
In the first place?
Second place...
CINDERELLA
Yes!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
How?
BAKER
Hmmm...
JACK
Well,
Who had the other bean?
BAKER
The other bean?
CINDERELLA
The other bean?
JACK (To Baker)
You pocketed the other bean.
BAKER
I didn't!
Yes I did.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's your-!
BAKER
No, it isn't,
'Cause I gave it to my Wife!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's her-!
BAKER
No, it isn't!
CINDERELLA
Then whose is it?
BAKER (To Cinderella)
Wait a minute!
She exchanged that bean
To obtain your shoe,
So the one who knows what happened
To that bean is you!
CINDERELLA
You mean that old bean-
That your Wife-? Oh, dear-
But I never knew it,
So I threw it-
Don't look here!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's your fault!
CINDERELLA
But-
JACK
See, it's her fault-
CINDERELLA
But-
JACK
And it isn't mine at all!
BAKER (To Cinderella)
But what?
CINDERELLA (To Jack)
Well, if you hadn't gone
Back up again-
JACK
We were needy-
CINDERELLA
You were greedy!
Did you need that hen?
JACK
But I got it for my Mother-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's her fault then!
CINDERELLA
Yes? And what the harp
In the third place?
BAKER
Ther harp- yes!
JACK
She went and dared me to!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
I dared you to?
JACK
You dared me to!
She said t hat I was scared-
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Me?
JACK
To.
She dared me!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
No, I didn't!
BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK
So it's your fault!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Wait a minute-!
CINDERELLA
If you hadn't dared him to-
BAKER (To Jack)
And you had left the harp alone,
We wouldn't be in trouble
In the first place!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place-!
CINDERELLA
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
It was your fault!
JACK (To Witch)
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER (To Witch)
Right! It's you raised them in the first place-!
CINDERELLA
You raised the beans in the first place!
JACK
It's your fault!
CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
WITCH
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!
It's the last midnight.
It's the last wish.
It's the last midnight,
Soon it will be boom-
Squish!
Told a little lie,
Stole a little golde,
Broke a little vow,
Did you?
Had to get your Prince,
Has to get your cow,
Have to get your wish,
Doesn't matter how-
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
It's the last midnight,
It's the boom-
Splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight.
Everybody smashed flat!
Nothing we can do.
Not exactly true:
We can always give her the boy...
No?
No, of course what really matters
Is the blame,
Somebody to blame.
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy,
Placing the blame,
If that's the aim,
Give me the blame-
Just give me the boy.
THE OTHERS
No!
WITCH
No?
You're so nice.
You're not good,
You're not bad,
You're just nice.
I'm not good,
I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
I'm the Witch.
You're the world.
I'm the hitch.
I'm what no one believes,
I'm the Witch.
You're all liars and theives,
Like his father,
Like his son will be, too-
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do.
It's the last midnight,
So, goodbye all.
Coming at you fast, midight-
Soon you'll see the sky fall.
Here, you want a bean?
Have another bean.
Beans were made for making you rich!
Plant them and they soar-
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar...
Giants by the score-!
Oh well, you can blame another witch.
It's the last midnight.
It's the last verse.
Now, before it's past midnight,
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving yo alone.
You can tend the garden, it's yours.
Separate and alone,
Everybody down on all fours.
All right, mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch,
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
Cruuunch!