I have known little civility, sir Few have been kind, fewer truthful And though within my ability, sir I remain dutifully youthful I go gray, then bald, with chagrin When you play the violin How I pray for death to begin When you play the violin True, there's been trouble and trickery, sir Trembling and tribulations Twitches from switches of hickory, sir You, sir, and your usurpations But my patience wears very thin When you play the violin How I stay, I can't imagine When you play the violin I've endured struggling and thuggery, sir Physical Ed and psychosis Sculleries, skulls, and skullduggery, sir Haplessness, hype and hypnosis But, oy vey! The horrible din When you play the violin You betray an ear made of tin When you play, when you slay The violin... (Proceeds to play violin)