History's made
Then manipulated
Then forgotten
After being repeated
Beaten into us endlessly
Until we start believing that there's no other option
Until we start believing imprisonment is free
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep loving
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing
One day we won't
They say
"You teach a man to fish and he'll gut you
Meticulously and swift"
With a "fuck you" ringing out through his lips
"Used to love you" you think
As blood pools up in your mouth
Painting teeth crimson
Fully Knowing that the buds on your tongue ain't ever gonna taste freedom
Or a nice meal again
You're not gonna get a bank bailout kid
On your own
Ever seen a heart of gold turn to stone?
Ever seen a good man sell his soul to a fed
Best friends to the end you were told
Yeah?
On your own
Nothing is taking away the pain of growth
Nobody can step into your shoes and know
Even when they try to imitate or clone
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep loving
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing
One day we won't
Haven't felt any fire in a while
If you love me then please just engulf me in flames
Nostalgia thick as Tarkovsky sitting on city hall steps in the rain
Buttoned up polo in a court room
Overpriced lawyer in a cheap suit
Surely buddy had a lot of words to say
Until he got in front of a federal judge that day
So I wanted to rip every inch of skin off of those slithering snake faces
I've been holding back screams but the ptsd is just pounding away at me
As if I'm still feeling gun barrels touching my temples
Been in therapy checking the mental
But deep in the center of my chest
Is nothingness
As I stare into green eyes of a devil
Their morals are malleable
Greed for power is palpable
Watching prosecutors
Play a twisted game for victory
With the life of a human being
Like monopoly property or puzzles
There's no proper rebuttal
It's cough up the money up or
Shut the fuck up
Now your husband or father is stuck a muzzle
With hundreds of dogs in a hole
Only waiting to get thrown a bone
While the wife's working doubles
In hopes that the bank won't go and put a lien on their home
Even after re-reading the history state violence leaves me in a state of disbelief
Nothing hits a man harder than seeing his family in tears while he's copping a plea
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep loving
Sometimes it's hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing
One day we won't