After nine years in the army They took away his brain They tattooed 'Defect' on his brow And signed him up again He killed ten thousand Germans A hundred Japanese A family of Hindus And a lot of Portuguese, nine plan failed ♪ I could never see the point Of showing them you're boss When they drag you through the city streets And nail you to a cross They took him to the office They strapped him to the bed They fastened lots of pretty wires Securely to his head They wheeled him down the corridor Upon a metal trolley Now he wears big spectacles And he sings like Buddy Holly, nine plan failed ♪ I could never see the point Of showing them you're boss When they drag you through the city streets And nail you to a cross The world declared its armistice And took away his guns And now he satisfies himself On piss-weak tea and buns On piss-weak tea and buns Oh oh, at the disco ♪ Rome is very brand The Pope lost his four fingers And they gave this boy his hand to kiss They gave this boy his hand It wasn't funny, no ♪ He wasn't very good at school His highest grade was C But he believed the managers When they said,"You leave it all to me" Gave him suits from Seville Row The quality so fine And now he sits in the desert wastes Just waiting for a sign, nine plan failed