As I got home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the horse outside the door where my old horse should be?"
"Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you cannot see.
That's the lovely sow that my mother sent to me."
"It's many's the day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more but a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before."
As I got home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the coat behind the door where my old coat should be?"
"Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you cannot see.
That's the lovely blanket that my mother sent to me."
"It's many's a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more but buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before."
As I got home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see.
That's the lovely tinwhistle that my mother sent to me."
"It's many's the day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more but tobacco in a tinwhistle sure I never saw before."
As I got home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw some boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?"
"Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool, still you cannot see.
Those are lovely geranium pots my mother sent to me."
"It's many's a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more but laces in geranium pots I never saw before."
As I got home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I've got some head... You SAW a head!
I saw a head and her in the bed where my old head should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the head with you in the bed where my old head should be?"
"Ah you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see.
That's the baby boy that my mother sent to me."
"It's many's a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more, but a baby boy with his whiskers on I never saw before."
As I got home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a thing inside her thing where my old thing should be.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who owns the thing inside your thing where my old thing should be?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see.
That's the lovely hammer that my mother sent to me."
"It's many's a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more but a hammer with a head like that I've never saw before."
As I got home on Sunday night, as drunk as drunk could be.
I saw a man running down the street and it was after three.
I called my wife and I said to her, "Would you kindly tell to me who was the man running down the street and it was after three?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool, still you cannot see.
That was the tax collector that the Queen had sent to me."
"It's many's a day I've traveled, a million miles or more, but an Englishman who could last till three I've never saw before.
But an Englishman who could last till three, I've never saw before."