I remember the first time I saw you
I went to your doorstep and rang the bell
Your parents told me your dog's name was henry
And I laughed and said, "hey, that's my name as well"
And I remember your face as you came down the stairway
With your ebony hair and your deep hazel eyes
And at the sight of your beauty I started to quiver
And I just couldn't think of the right thing to say
And my hands started shaking, my heart palpitating
My palms started sweating and then I ran out of breath
And I fell on the floor and then I started to vomit
And I lost all control of my bodily functions
And you went to the kitchen so you could get paper towels
To clean up the mess I'd just made on your floor
But by that time I'd already emptied my bowels
And I just didn't seem to give a damn anymore
So I took off my pants and started humping your doggie
And your parents threatened to call the police
So I yanked out their phone cord and I closed all the curtains
And said, "don't move or nobody leaves here alive"
So here I am in this cold, lonely jail cell
Thinking of you and the times that we had
And you're probably laughing about the whole misunderstanding
And I just get that same old feeling again
My hands start to shake and my heart starts to beat
And my palms start to sweat and then I ran out of breath
And I fall on the floor and I start to vomit
And I lose all control of my bodily functions