Now this is a true story
No I would not lie to you
The only thing i've changed here are the names
It's the story of ghow contacts
Can bring you fame and wealth
It's an inning in the advertising game.
A friend of mine called Dapper Dave
He used to be the voice
The one you hear on wireless and TV
That tells you to buy aBrand X or the swish new Aussie car
Or the clothes that make y ou who you want to be
So I made a call myself and soon was
At the agents door
It was a terrace in a trendy part of town
And they put me in a booth
With all the headphones and the mikes
And I put some ads and demo pieces down.
The chappie said they'd call me when they found the ad for me
But it might take a weak or two to find the one
Well I didn't hold my breath
And it was really just as well
Cause it was nearly eight months
Later when they phoned
Well congratitulations said
The advertising man
This is Jerry from Golightly Greed and Gain
We've found the perfect product
For such dulcet tones as yours
Would Wednesday suit you to begin
Your climb to fame
Would it suit me? I replied
Well does the pntiff draw a crowd
I'll be ther at nine am outside your door
But just b efore I go
There's one thing I'd like to know
Just what this little ad exactly for?
Aunt Deliliah Diet Scheme will make you
Gorgeous young and lean
In a week or maybe two your flab will fly
So come and diet with Deliliah
On your face we'll put a smile
And you can diet with Deliliah unitl you die!
Well when I'd wiped the tears away
And picked my jaw up off the floor
I said now Jerry have you ever seen me live?
Well no, he said but what's that got to do with price of eggs?
I said I doubt that Aunt Deliliah would approve
You see I weigh a little over 90 kilos and I think
That what those places do to women is a crime
So I'm sorry Jerry, truly, but I'll have to pass on this
Maybe you could think of me another time.
Well it's a strange fact but it's true
Jerry hasn't called me since
I guess the right script hasn't come along
So I've all given up on the fame of radio and teev
I'll just have to be content to sing this song
Repeat chorus
So comwe and diet with Deliliah on your face
We'll put a smile
And you can diet with Deliliah until you die!