Welcome to the party, man, how are you doin'? I look pretty weird? Dude, you're screwin' up somethin' 'Cause I don't know why I'm just a guy that looks like a regular guy I've got feelin', of course I do I can feels my legs and my torso, too (Normal, normal guy) (Normal, normal guy) And last night, I looked into the mirror Oh, I looked so good I saw my shirt, I saw my hands My muscled legs, my lack of tan I saw my name, a song I sang I saw my bangs, I saw my fangs Well, now you know, I'm a legal vampire Yes, I have the paperwork, and none of it's due 'Cause I'm a vampire And yes, I've been through it I don't wanna be in court, for I follow the rules with legal accuracy Bureaucracy knows They'd give me lifetime in prison, but a lifetime is slow When you're a vampire So get with the times Is insisting on pro bono too much of a crime? You all seem to do it without making a fuss Is it because I live longer and you wish you were us? You're not a vampire And you never will be I've been young and ghoulish for entire centuries Get off my back, man I'm half-bat, dude Maybe rethink your opinions, they could be less crude I'm a — vampire Legal Vampire I'm out of here