I know a fat old policeman He's always on our street A fat and jolly red-faced man He really is a treat He's too kind for a policeman He's never known to frown And everybody says he is the Happiest man in town! Oh, ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Ooh-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Ooh ho-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Ooh ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! ♪ He laughs upon point duty He laughs upon his beat He laughs at everybody when he's Walking in the street He never can stop laughing He says he's never tried But once he did arrest a man And laughed until he cried! Oh ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Oh ho-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! ♪ His jolly face is wrinkled And then he shut his eyes He opened his great mouth It was a wonderous size He said, "I must arrest you" He didn't know what for And then he started laughing Until he cracked his jaw! Oh ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha, ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha! Oh ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! ♪ So, if you chance to meet him When walking 'round the town Just shake him by his fat old hand And give him half a crown His eyes will beam and sparkle He'll gurgle with delight And then you'll start him laughing With all his blessed might! Oh ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Ooh! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha ha-ha! Ooh ha-ha, ooh ha! Ha-ha-ha ha-ha!