When I was born at a very young age
The bible opened at a crucial page
I saw my future like a vision from god
Two bushy brows and a drovers dog
And everyone said, poor bugger me
He'll become the ruler of the whole country
- And everyone said, poor bugger me
- He'll become the ruler of the whole country
I went to school and I got full marks
So I toddled off to Oxford with the ruling class
I wore clean flannels and a lecherous leer
I studied economics and I drank bulk beer
- He studied economics and he drank bulk beer
I drank so much I could hardly stand
So they made me the leader of this big, broad land
- He drank so much he could hardly stand
- So they made him the leader of this big, broad land
I played some cricket and I argued the toss
So they made me an aid to a union boss
I stood as a workers advocate
I could shout down opponents in a mass debate
- He could shout down opponents in a mass debate
I could shout so loud they rewarded me
By making me the leader of the ALP
- He could shout so loud they rewarded he
- By making him the leader of the ALP
I grew so popular that I was sent
By the safe seat of Wills into Parliament
I always voted at Bill Hayden's call
And I never thought of thinking of myself at all
- He never thought of thinking of himself at all
I though so little of little old me
That they let me be the leader of the whole country
- He sacked Bill Hayden so gleefully he became Prime Minister in '83
I flew around the world to improve my stature
I met Ronald Regan and Margaret Thatcher
The Pentagon rang so I sank in the boot
Cause I dont need ANZUS or kiwi fruit
- He doesn't need ANZUS or kiwi fruit
I serve as Reagans deputy
That's why I am governing the whole country
- I serve as Reagans deputy
- That's why I am the ruler of the whole country
So party faithful wherever you may be
If you want to bark from the top of the tree
There's only room for one dog here
I'll piddle on your head if you get too near
- He'll piddle on your head if you get too near
So mind your business in respect of me
Or I'll cancel your bi-centenary
- So mind you business in respect of he
- While he carries on with governing the whole country