I'm on my way to the gym
New shirt, new shorts, new shoes, new socks, new me
It's a brand new me
I say what up, Tim
He's the guy that signed me up for a three year contract
I'm locked in for three
I do my stretching routine
Got a thing with my neck and my hip and my back and my foot
Warming up is important
And now I'm ready for dumbbells, treadmills, rowing machine
Nothing is available
It's pretty crowded in here
So I do seven push-ups
And then I go to McDonald's
I get a Filet-O-Fish and a double quarter pounder with cheese
Twenty piece chicken nuggies
And then I go to Wendy's
Get a spicy chicken sandy
With fries and a Frosty
I dip the fries in the Frosty
My second day at the gym
Got a workout plan online from a Navy SEAL
It's the real fucking deal
Yesterday was a wash
Went a little overboard with the food
But that'll count as my cheat day
Even The Rock has a cheat day
So now I'm gonna eat chicken, broccoli
Pinto beans, milk, eggs
Pasta -- no! Mm-mm
That was a test
I passed the pasta test
Ohhh, let's go
I'm at the gym
Shika-dun-dun shika-dun-dun gym
Staring at my phone
Watching a show
Real Love for Gym
I hope everyone wins
Oh, I do a bicep curl
Then I take a break
I do three whole squats
Then I take another break again
Only this one's longer
And then I go to a strip club
They got a sushi buffet
I think the stripper likes me
I think I'm gonna get laid
So I start drinking a lot
I call the bouncer a loser
He throws me into the street
And I get hit by a cab
And I go into a coma
I wake up
A doctor tells me I've been asleep for a year
I shed a single tear
I can't believe I'm alive
I won't take nothing for granted
I've got the heart of a lion
I'm a miracle of science
And so I get discharged from the hospital
I say thank you God
Now I understand
I finally know who I am
So I rob a bank
And now I'm on the run with 23 thousand dollars
Robbing a bank is a rush
I get a fraudulent passport
I change my name to Roberto
And then I move to Havana
Where I run a cockfight
I train the chickens to cheat
Someone tells the mob
They beat me to death with a bat
And no one cares that I died
I should have gone to the gym
I should have gone to the gym
I should have gone
I should have gone to the gym