Pull the sheets over my face
Dig my fingers through my chest
And rip the leaches off my cage
Depleted time inside this mind
Lost reason to escape
And, see, speaking doesn't help no more
Been leaking, now i'm drained
This unyielding strain has since cured me of my
Sanity-flashing thoughts of death
To bridge life's curious disparity woeful
Look at me
Less than half of me hopeful
Instrumental in my decline
And i haven't been vocal
But ill crack a joke and laugh looking happy and
Immobile to bypass your snooping
No disrespect, but you don't have solutions
Or a clue bout what i have been through
All i ask for is a little space
And please spare me your massive hubris
Look, i'm not saying what i'm going through is that unusual or
Some tragic nuisance, bro
But, see, you barely have a loose sense
Of my points of reference
And my poison preference
Killed all hopes at merriment
Then i destroyed the evidence
Mad elusive
Anyway
Still a backwoods heavyweight
Half an eighth every half hour
Antidepressants each day
Therapy on pause temporarily
I'm taking a break
Before i break in my wake
Verily, barely okay
I ain't slept in my own bed or home in months
Only habits i've retained is self-loathing and smoking blunts
Moved across the ocean for better access to loaded guns
And now i'm here
Shooting what's meant for my skull into the air
Not sure where i'm posed to go
Not sure what i'm posed to do
Not sure i'm myself at all
When i'm not standing next to you
Double entendre
"Who gives a fuck?" is still the mantra
Not interested these days in breaking tundras being honest
I spent 7 years building promise
And as it falls apart before my eyes
I'm looking onwards, going
Who am i?
No, seriously, who am i?
Not you and i
Not these thoughts of suicide
Naw
Beyond that
Is there something still left fighting for?
If so, i want that
Can i become that?
The beat goes on
And ya boy is still smoking
Loitering by pearly gates that won't ever open
Saving phone numbers i ain't ever gon call
If i were to disappear, i wonder when they would notice yo
I have lost her love
I have lost some people
Watching bridges burn
Watching my networth increase though
Health decays each day
Each morning - symptom casino
Gots to find myself
Even at the cost of ego
When you've nothing left to lose, you lose sense of danger
Life's fucked me
It's time that i redress the favor
Naw, fuck it
Instead, can i learn to nurture myself?
Or does that somehow go against my nature?
What can these hands grab?
And these teeth do?
How far can these feet move?
Just how many presets can i reset through?
To convince myself i could ever be less you?
That i'm nothing to sneeze at when i've needed proof
Been too uptight
Someone, please help me shake loose
There's no controlling chaos