I made a best friend in Kindergarten Because she had no one else Her hair was coily And I thought it was the coolest hair I'd ever seen So I sat next to her And we clung to each other like velcro, for years Then I started feeling trapped with her I wanted more friends So in order to branch out, I had to leave her behind I befriended a girl later who I had a venomous hatred for For no reason other than jealousy I felt bad about leaving best friend #1, and I still do But I became so close with This girl who I perceived as so evil And we stayed neutral to the world together Soon after, she wasn't gone but added to Two new friends who I had known before We reconvened in middle school And the four of us stuck together until I broke away to be with a girl I loved And a guy who would break me After getting him out of my life I had nightmares of me and him in a park In which he killed me for my Then I turned to my old friends for help Along with one I met in therapy Then they all came back I'm surrounded by all of my best friends Except for the first one My mother has had a best friend she had kept for decades They met in elementary school And now can't even imagine my own life without her My mother wanted the same for me A stable friendship that I would keep for my whole life It never worked out for me And she seems mad about it, especially about Best Friend #1 Trust me, I'm racked with guilt over her I still wonder what would happen if we were still friends But there's nothing I can do now And if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything