Better get the Xanax cause I think I'm in a panic And my brain is really getting fried The kids are getting dumber and it's really not a stunner Cause the evidence supports my find I mention German Measles cause my buddy's name is Weasel And the only word I found to rhyme Lately I've been thinking that this ain't my line of business And I'm just about to lose my mind I gotta tell you that the level of discourse Was pretty bad to start with and it's getting worse Par for the course Houston we have a problem And we're running out of time Houston we have a problem The kids are all out of their minds [2x] I wanna tend my garden while my girlfriend wears Eve Arden And she bitches that we got no dough Phillip's drinking whiskey with a stripper he got frisky Picked her up and fell and broke his toe My nerves are really shot and I've become unmanned And now I see I'm going pale beneath my tan Where's my Ativan? [Chorus]