I have a degree (That's nice)
In alternative therapy (Okay)
Took an online course for a week or two (Maybe we should-)
I think we should begin with a nice bit of Reiki (Reiki?)
Unblock your chi (What's chi?)
It's dooby-dooby tralala
It's holistic therapy (what does that mean?)
It's energy
Vibrations and something magnets
And doopy-diddly pa-pa-pa
Now piss (what?), piss (I just-), piss into this (I don't have any-)
I'll analyse your isotopes and something something quantum quantum
(I'm stuck, I'm just-)
I think you're allergic to gluten
(Stuck. I'm, it's like I feel like I'm trapped in a loop)
(Like I'm stuck in time)
Well I think cutting out gluten (I'm-) is the smartest solution (Fine)
Better a diet of soup (Soup?)
Made of rhino foreskin
(I think I've lost my mind)
(I can't seem to find my way out of-)
An enema (what?), would you like an enema?
(Existentially I'm-)
Some essential oils
(Essentially I'm-)
Organic teas?
(Who needs enemas with friends like-)
I don't even know if I believe what I'm saying
This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's paying
Statistically he might as well be sitting home and praying
For all the good that I can do,
I don't have a fricking clue what I'm doing
Though there are things that we just don't know
It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go
Now open your buttocks a wee bit
(I'm not sure how this will help)
I just want to get to the bottom of it
(I'm stuck. I'm just stuck)
I have a PhD (Finally!)
In psychiatric pharmacology
I specialize in mental illness... (Good!)
In cows (wha?)
Let's treat your depression with a course of fluoxetol
(I'm not depressed)
You're not?
(No!)
You must be delusional,
So take some acepromazine and a couple of procaprimine
And quietly I'd advise ya, to try this tranquiliser
Although maybe you should just take half (okay)
It says whole ones for cows (I'm not a-)
And half for calves (right.)
I don't even know if I believe what I'm saying
This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's paying
Statistically he might as well be sitting home and praying
For all the good that I can do, I don't have a fricking clue
In my medicine cupboard
There's a bunch of L.Ron Hubbard
There are only twelve steps and they shouldn't take long
We just need a sample of your stool and your semen
You have Satan within you
We must exorcise your demons
Take this pill
Read this book
Eat your vegetables uncooked
It's your karma
It's just toxins
It's for constipated oxens
Well that oughta loosen you up
(I am stuuuck... fuck okay)
(One I'm still sleeping and this
I'm just dreaming it, two it's a prank
And everyone's in on it, three it's a flashback from when I was twenty
And ate magic mushrooms and thought I was Aquaman,
Four it's some kind of reality show,
Five it's amnesia, six it's a stroke!)
(I think I am losing my mind)
That'll be 500 bucks!
(What the fu-)
A cheque is fine!
(Fine)
Karma!
Toxins!
Enema!
Oxen!
Jesus!
{Alcohol!}