Sparking up a joint, but I keep running out of papers
I could never smoke enough to keep my problems on a waiver
Every day I just pretend the world could really not be greater
Just to justify that I'm okay with everyone's behavior, like
Damn it baby, know it hurts me when you do that
I'm just crazy, I'm just too far gone to move back
Know I'm lazy, and my mind is getting too lack
Know I love you, so I don't know why I do that
Made a job of pushing everyone away
Make sure you stay real far away so you don't have to see my brain
I'm sorry that I put you through this shit like every single day
I know you understand it, too, so I don't even want to say
'Cause I'm a monster when I'm hurting deep inside
I never mean the things I say, but I won't swallow all my pride
Instead, I anchor down and fight it just to prove I'm always right
And then I run away, break down alone in darkness where I hide
Everyone's better without me, I know
Call me a demon, must not have a soul
Say I've no heart but feel more than you know
Gut-wrenching inside, but I won't let it show
So all that you see is a colorless shell
The ghost of a boy that I used to know well
But now I'm a man, so I gotta face hell
My inside don't match, but outside I am well
If I could spark up just enough to kill these thoughts then I would do it
But it only makes me crazy, takes me back to living through it
So I keep on pushing through the limit, know that I can do it
Now I'm numb enough to feel okay, but now I think I blew it
Every time I'm mean I know it's a reflection of myself
And I'm so sorry that I ruined everything and how you felt
But the truth is when you say you love me I completely melt
I'm so scared for all the reasons, they're the same that we've been dealt
Sparking up a joint, but I keep running out of papers
I could never smoke enough to keep my problems on a waiver
Every day I just pretend the world could really not be greater
Just to justify that I'm okay with everyone's behavior, like
Damn it baby, know it hurts me when you do that
I'm just crazy, I'm just too far gone to move back
Know I'm lazy, and my mind is getting too lack
Know I love you, so I don't know why I do that