I came crawling home last night like many nights before.
I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door.
And she said you're not going to do this anymore
She said I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home so you'll feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
Will take out that dining room table
We'll put a bar along that wall
And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall.
She said just bring those Friday paychecks
And I'll cash them all right here
And I'll keep on tap for all your friends their favorite kind of beer.
And for you I'll always keep in stock those soft aluminum cans
And when you're feeling Macho you can crush'em like a man
She said we'll rip out all the carpet and put sawdust on the floor.
Serve hard boiled eggs and pretzels
And I won't cook no more
They'll be Monday night football on TV above the bar
And a pay phone in the hallway when your friends can you find there car
She said I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home
So you'll feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
We'll take out that dining room table and put a bar along that wall.
And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall
She said you'll get friendly service and for added atmosphere
I'll slip on something sexy and I'll cut it clear to here
Then you can slap my bottom every time you tell a joke
Just as long as you keep a Tippin well I'll laugh until you're broke
She said instead of family quarrel will have a barroom brawl
When the hamms bear says it's closing time you won't have far to crawl
And when you run out of money you'll have me to thank
You can sleep it off next morning while I'm putting it in the bank
She said I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home
So you'll feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
Then when you and your friends get off work and you have a powerful thirst
Well there won't have any reason why you can't stop off here first
She said I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home
So you'll feel more at ease here and you won't need to roam
We'll take out the dining room table put a bar along that wall
And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the Hall
She said I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home
So you'll feel more at ease here and you don't need to roam
We'll take out the dining room table little bar along that.