This pain wasn't my choice
But I still hear Your voice
And no matter how I end
I think of how we began
Am I the only person often afraid to sleep?
It's like my bed is a coffin, and I'm alone in my dreams
My confidence whispers, my insecurities scream
I'm constantly weary, ready to let go and just sink
If I smiled more often, would you know that it's me?
I talk to God in my depression, "Are You noticing me?"
Either teaching me a lesson or holy ghosting me
God, without You, I don't know who I'm supposed to be
So if I'm useless to You then dispose of mе
And if You mute this then You chose to lеave
After all, you're omniscient, supposedly
And I'm just a misfit with slit wrists supposed to bleed
I get cold when Lucifer gets close to me
I could smell the grim reaper's potpourri
Wake up swinging, thinking he's choking me
Like, "Let go of me!"
And God is the only one I answer to
God, why did You make me? The answer is You
To worship You
I was never made for me
But somehow, at some point, I was made to believe
That life wasn't about You, that life was about me
And it wasn't, and it's not
And I wish I could go back
Wish I could walk up to the Devil with my .45 and blow back
Wish I could put on my MJ #45 throwback
And pretend I could fly like Mike, even though I was so bad
But the only thing that flies forever is time, and I didn't know that
This pain wasn't my choice
But I still hear Your voice
And no matter how I end
I think of how we began
I'm a sinner turned son but rarely a saint
Picasso of this poetry with every picture I paint
I look back, and it's my past that I hate
I've been trashed and disgraced
Trapped by mistakes, bashed, and misplaced
But they killed Christ at
Thirty-three, so I guess I'm just acting my age
Religion had me trapped and chained, but I'm attacking this cage
So in passing, I'll say
You'll never know God until you start backing away
Religion is more concerned with
Passing the plate than people passing away
And that remains facts 'til this day
I don't need a person or a priest to teach me to pray
But how can I be known by millions but feel so lost?
Xanax for panics and Zoloft to doze off
How can I be anxious but still know God?
It's eighty degrees, but I'm as frozen as Arabelle's Olaf
I use these lows to write and mania to go off
Hiding these fangs is why I'm hiding my teeth
Blue eyes but blue heart hidden beneath
Playing these keys brings these thoughts out of me
Change the keys and switch the locks when I leave
'Cause I'm saying goodbye to the voices talking to me
In the mirror, brokenness is all that I see
Not the glass that's shattered but the hurt in me
I talk to God, but He doesn't say a word to me
I got burned by religion, spiritual third-degree
But I learned my lesson like I earned a third degree
Back from the dead after demons murdered me first-degree
And I fell for the lies perfectly but not purposefully
Got tranquilized and put to sleep
Satan lies, but so do sheep
But my God left the ninety-nine because He was in love with me
So keep your traditions, it's grace that I need
Goodbye to religion, I've been saved by the King
This pain wasn't my choice
But I still hear Your voice
And no matter how I end
I think of how we began