[Parody of "picture" by kid rock and cheryl crow]
I live on burgers, cheetos, and ice cream
Got nothing but lard in my blood stream
Guess my sweet tooth was something more than a phase
Been fueling up on cupcakes and twinkies
Gained so much weight my girl left me
She said to call her if i ever change my ways
I put the pizza away
Went on a diet today
I can't wait till i get thin then i'll show her
I put the pizza away
I'm gonna lose some weight
I can't wait till i get thin then i'll show her
I missed you last night at the hotel
I even missed your bacon and beer smell
Then it finally dawned on me how to make things right
I pulled up to a fast food venue
Ordered everything on the menu
Time to go back home and stuff my face
Picked up a pizza today
I'm gonna power binge
I'm gonna eat till nothing's left in the fridge
I'm gonna hit the buffet
I'm gonna gain some weight
I can't wait till i get fat then i'll show him
Been hitting ben and jerry's for breakfast
You know i finally got the hang of this slim fast
Since you've been gone
I've been gaining/losing so much weight
I've been jogging instead of taking the car
I've been eating mayonaise straight from the jar
I was making dessert
I was off to lift some weights
Now i'm liking what i see on the scale
So i sent a picture out in the mail
Oh hey look you sent one too
Let's just. whoa, hey wait / omg!
I saw your picture today
I see you've changed your ways
You know i think i liked you better the way you were
I saw your picture today
I see you lost/gained some weight
I just called to say don't bother to come back home
I just called to say don't bother to come back home