Irre-voca-bility...
That's the word that defeated me,
At the 1992 Ohio spelling bee.
I can still feel the irony, because irre-voca-bility means you cant take something back.
And I'd give anything I owned if I could take just one more crack at the word that I spelled in my head so many times since then, it's killing me.
Sigh
The napkins learned at a very young age about irre-irre-voca-bility.
I wanna tell you all about how i got X-made(?).
Picture Mr. Napkins, back in the 6th grade.
My hair was still straight cause I was prepubescent.
I wore a jean jacket that I had gotten as a Hanukkah present.
And it seemed way cool to my sheltered friends at my Jewish day school.
Hebrew, not Latin.
Shalom, not shalaylies(?)
More scary than nuns, our teachers were Israelis.
So one day, they announced a spelling bee,
And I beat everybody else at my elementary.
Went to regionals,
And before I knew what was happening, I was one of the top 2.
My opponent missed the word "chirrhosis".
And I was like, "Grandpa had that, I know this. Yes!". And I took first place, and went on to states for my date with fate.
So now, we cut to me at the state wide bee, which was in my home town of Cincinnati.
Kids everywhere like a hord of locusts.
But I was trying to act like a Ford and Focus
The top 3 would go to DC, and then compete nationally on TV.
Specifically, on ABC, which appropriatly was the network that broadcast the spelling bee.
I spelled till my vision was blurred and perserved till it was me and 3 more nerds.
I stepped forward when my turn occured.
I heard my word and I was like "WORD..."
I knew just what letters to say.
And I looked those judges right in the eye and said;
"I-R-R-E-V-O-K... A-B-I-L-I-T-Y"
BEEEEEEP
Irre-voca-bility, the Lee Harvey Oswald to my Jack Kennedy.
And the consolation price that they gave to me, was a Merriam Webster dictionary... Jeez. Wow, how twisted and sadistic were they being?
It's like offering a free ski lesson to a guy who just fractured both of his legs skiing.
And I'm still grieving. I can't fix that pain, it sticks in to my memory.
It's not I-R-R-E-V-O-K! It's I-R-R-E-V-O-C!
I-R-R-E-V-O-C! THIS ISN'T FUNNY! IT'S TERRIBLY (?)