What kind of stand-up is this? This junior dev is glitchin' We don't need to hear you listing Every last code commit and Just list your blockers, bitch Ain't javascripting shit From where I sit I see you cruising Something Awful (Maybe Reddit) Yeah right, I said it The data comes out dirty You got hacks workin hacks Subverting the stack Crack your whole code up like, "Hold up, we need to grow the team now" Yeah right... I don't think dev is nearly green enough, somehow Please bow, get plowed, stop coming at me #junkout 'bout "There's too much space in your designs" Space creates the perception of value You dehydrated Jake Gyllenhaal! About face! Don't bring this weakness to my cubical I don't come to your desk and tell you to make your shit less scalable... Don't make every pivot personal Yeah yeah, you worked at Oracle... That shit was dress rehearsal! Everything you know about UX is a theory Now roll your yoga ball back to that weak-ass SQL query