I've let that uneasy weight
In my chest pave my own path for me
And force me to miss opportunities
Now I see my dreams are slipping out of reach
It engulfs me
Rips the seams apart
A compulsive poet doomed from the start
Ribs cracking from the pressure of a swollen heart
Anytime I'm graced
With the presence of hope
A glimmer coming into fruition
All that seems too good to be true, is
So I've learned to trust my intuition
It's a blessing in its own
To anticipate the impending hurt
It softens the blow when you already know
That things are about to turn for the worst
I want to distance myself
I want to push them away
Even at a loss for words
They need to know that I need them to stay
Two decades deep
Adapted to this mentality
Stretching this facade ear to ear
Bracing for the words I don't want to hear
All that's seemed alright
Assurance in the subtleties
It's all about to slip from beneath my feet
Where's the dissolution where I can say
I'm where I need to be?
I think you're better off without me
I want to distance myself
I want to push them away
Even at a loss for words
They need to know that I need them to stay
Two decades deep
Adapted to this mentality
But when do I obsess over nothing?
Manifesting afflictive thoughts
Into something that shouldn't be
Should I keep trusting my gut feeling?
Where's the dissolution where I can say I'm where I need to be?
"Cause I feel like you're better off without me
It all seems hopeless
And if you left or if you stayed
It's safe to say
That would take it personal either way
My preemptive fear that you're eager to leave
Leaves me wondering what else is wrong with me
My self-contradiction furthers my personal resentment
My introverted ways coupled with every
Sentiment
I'm sick of reclusiveness' bitter taste
And the insatiable yearning for affection
It makes it seem that there's no time to waste
But I'm afraid to open myself up and spill out each imperfection