On my 16th birthday my Dad came into my room No, he didn't interfere with me if that's what you presumed He said, "Now you're a man, Kunt, with a full set of pubes I've got some information that you will need to use Sometimes a lady's private parts can be a pongy place If she's been dancing at a disco and then sits on your face So make sure you go in fingers first, do it just in case And you have to have a sneaky sniff while having an embrace" It's called the Two Finger Test, the Two Finger Test Before you go and muff dive, wait a mo' may I suggest? She'll think a cuddle's nice and if you take my advice You can sneakily do the Two Finger Test So everytime I sup from the furry cup I take my Pop's advice and I pop two fingers up And when those fingers fail the test I thank my old man Especially when you get one that smells like a burger van Oh, the Two Finger Test, the Two Finger Test For checking if chuff's are whiffy it's the system that works best She need never know, if you lick her down below That she has passed the Two Finger Test It's called the Two Finger Test, the Two Finger Test If my ex-girlfriend's hear this song I'm sure they'll be impressed Everytime I didn't go and lick 'em down below That they had failed the Two Finger Test