She had a hard-on, she had a muscle out of place
It looked peculiar, occupying an unlikely space
She saw a doctor and he cut her wide
When he saw inside he nearly died
She had a sister; she had a sibling in her groin
A small relation with whom she didn't know she'd joined
This was a problem 'cause she'd always been
The queen of hearts, a spoiled only child
She called her Shirley; she dressed her in the finest clothes
But she was wracked with pain 'cause Shirley had a cuter nose
She saw a doctor and he cut the lump and smoothed the lump
To make her look much better from the side
But things are never quite that simple
They change and stay the same and fade away
Her husband left her; he didn't like her nose at all
And she blamed Shirley -- smashed her tiny head against the wall
The judge and jury, oh they watched her as she cried
Threw her inside and tossed away the key
But things are never quite that simple
They change and stay the same and fade away
Fifteen years later they let her out for being good
She made a fortune carving little figures made from wood
They all were Shirley but they all were still and cold
She made and sold them till the day she died