I often don't know what I'm feeling
'Cuz emotions don't seem so appealing
After years of trials
Inspired not by my own errors
But deception, debasement and terror
Exes who cope just to kill
A few years ago I bought a handgun
'Cuz the C.H.A.Z made me feel I should have one
I was there for two weeks
Working graveyard shifts on the borders
Revolution is it's own reward, or so I was told, I just moved forward
Then came years of dissociative addiction
Ketamine, nitrous, 3-MEO-PCP and 2FDCK
I zoomed so far outside the planet
That forgetting four suicides was painless
Because friends don't exist in the hole
So go ahead and spread that I'm dangerous
Go ahead and tell them I kidnap, I rape and I kill
Pick any lie you want
'Cuz nothing that you ever say or do
Will ever be worse than relearning to
Use toilets and eat solid food
Nails in my sarcophagus
My blown-out oesophagus
Frozen lungs and frostbitten fingers
Gabapentin, alcohol
LSD and Adderall
Turns out I've got baggage after all
Countless nights with zero sleep
Everyone says I'm a creep
Hey tranny, can you relate to me?
Like a gunshot in a crowded mall
From the women's bathroom stall
There's no use in trying after all
There's a perpetual disorder inside girls with field recorders
We don't care and we don't know
We'll just plant ourselves and hope we grow up
But how much longer are you willing to pretend
That you don't wanna catch a load in the rear end
From some girl who insists you call her "mommy"?
It's obvious, at least to me
Mammals have a tendency
To generate sexual fantasy
Based on dynamics of the family
But the more that you treat it like a big taboo
The more people are going to
Submit, dominate, and crave abuse
Living for this thing that bothers you
Quit while you're ahead
This was always our new normal now
Quit while you're ahead