When Ulysses comes home
He always greets me with an open heart
But you will see how Ulysses
Has taken my life apart
Ive got a dog called Ulysses
He plays all day in the park
Sniffing at his friends and the chestnut trees
And chasing cats til after dark
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)
His tail in the air
His usual exuberance
Is awfully hard to bear
When I stumble home at night Im jaded and stale
And so I try to take a little repose
I dont want waking up with a happy tail
I dont want a kiss from a big wet nose
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)
He gets on my wick
For Ulysses communicates
His love with a snuffle and a lick
I like to sit in my fireside chair
Watching telly til the epilogue
In a semi-coma and without a care
And I would do if it were not for my bloody dog
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)
Like a maniac
Its useless to pursue my viewing
So Ive sent my television back
I tried to climb the social scale
And so I organised a little do
Some very posh people came to my cocktail
But at half-past seven my party was through
When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof)
I knew I was sunk
My guests were not at all impressed
And they left when my dog got drunk
I brought my sweetie home one night
And we both knew that this was it
Sipping Chianti by candlelight
We were getting to a very important bit
When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof)
He broke the spell
Intruding on my beautiful
Romance like a hound from hell
My one solution is quick and grim
A little bottle of cyanide
I cant bring myself to get rid of him
I shall have to perform a suicide
So when Ulysees comes home (wag wag woof woof)
Home for his tea
Hell have to cry a little bit
For having given so much love to me.