I ran into my pastor at a gay bar Let me tell you, he looked so bizarre In fishnets instead of a suit I ran into my dad's girlfriend named Pam At a strip club with fives jammed In every place you can imagine All these things keep happening to me And every time it's all so confusing I just want to be left alone Please don't make me leave my home Small towns don't forgive I ran into my grandma at a sex store I always thought she was such a bore No wonder she's always so tired I ran into an old one night stand Asked if I had any big plans I'm whipping and gagging your mom All these things keep happening to me And every time it's all so confusing I just want to be left alone Please don't make me leave my home Small towns don't forgive Although I wish it wasn't the case Everyone's always in my face Don't tell on me, I won't tell on you Together we can make it through Small towns don't forgive