Betty Botter bought a bottle of bitters from the bar
Major Matt, he mixed his mild martinis in a jar
This doggerel is my private hell, these words whose meanings never gel
I'm gonna find you, wherever you are
Never trust a man without a horror story
Eros, the rose and the sore
The hearts of Boston lie for me
The hearts of Boston have a hurricane to answer for
If I started walking I'd be almost there by now
I'm on the world stage
From the Tel Aviv swamp to the deserts of New Orleans
You can't read your lines if you can't find your page
In my rage and shame I cursed
"Bad god, no offerings"
I'm a magi with bad apologies
No scented candles, no shiny things
Never trust a man without a horror story
Eros, the rose and the sore
The hearts of Boston, they lie for me
The hearts of Boston have a hurricane to answer for
Life never labels the last time you do something
I swear, I can always do more
I've taken enough charity already
And the last thing I need is once more to lose something
I drove to your door in a dusty Honda
Or an orange Saab, or an Austrian Mazda
I don't mind being wrong as long as long as no-one else is right
The hopes and fears of all the years are here with us tonight
Never trust a man without a horror story
Eros, the rose and the sore
The hearts of Boston, they cry for me
The hearts of Boston have a hurricane to answer for
Life never labels the last time you do something
I swear, I can always do more
I've taken enough charity already
And the last thing I need is once more to lose something
It was action-packed in the cul-de-sac
The dust blew forward and the dust blew back
You and I were under attack
With a parachute bag for a burlap sack
'Cause you required some danger
So I acquired a gun
You married a stranger
All I could do was run, run, run
You required the danger
I acquired a gun
You married a stranger
All I could do was run
Ten years of hard labor is a hard time
But fifty years of disappointment is a hard time too
I met a man who got his 5-year-old a Bocephus tattoo
It got out of his hands, and this got out of mine too
When you required some danger
And I acquired a gun
You married a stranger
All I could do was run, run, run
You required the danger
So I acquired a gun
What transpired was anger
Then all we were was done
Never trust a man without a horror story
Eros, the rose and the sore
The hearts of Boston are terrified for me
The hearts of Boston have a hurricane to answer for
Life never labels the last time you do something
I swear, I can always do more
I've taken enough of your charity already
And the last thing I need is once more to lose something
Which is the right life? The quiet life or the night life?
If Cole Porter didn't know, how can I be sure?
The hearts of Boston are gonna lie for me
'Cause the hearts of Boston have a hurricane to answer for.