Every single night I lay awake just wishing I'd cry or shed a tear but I'm fine, I'm okey
This emptiness from my pain
Say need space when I'm locked inside my chest I don't wanna fade
Every single night I lay awake just wishing I'd die or suffocate I'm alright, I'm okey
This emptiness from my pain say need space I just wanna feel again
Look
Sometimes my head is a mess
And I keep crumbling
I put my pain into words so I stop mumbling
When I was in class my teachers told me stop stuttering
The dreams I was having were just a movie scene
Friday the thirteenth repeat twice every night
No one would understand the horror I would go through when I tried to sleep
Why the bags under my eyes be looking weak
Banging on my door again and blasting his re-mastered records
And he wonders why he's late to pick us up again
The feeling when you see your mentors alcoholic fits and you can't do nothing but stand And watch him take the punch again
Lungs collapsing on the bed she was strangling him
Or when your coach locks you and your sister in the car
Chain smoking his cigarettes
Threatens to drive off forever with us
Pulls a knife on me for not cleaning dishes he says hes joking but these actions were Vicious this
Sticks in my mind im useless, lazy and a disappointment
So when I did fuck up or fail he laughs in enjoyment
Degraded all I was and who I've learnt was forced to take his crap
So in my dreams I try escape even for a nap
Instead I relive every moment of abuse me and my sister took
And she's going through hell as well her suicide attempts they all remind me why I Started to rap
Wishing I hadn't failed my attempt at 14
Just felt pain and misery like I must be destained to fail
All my albums have gotten me no where and this is the only one thing of two that's Delaying my own decease, yup
I'm just a pawn in my society so just move the next chess piece, please
I said
Every single night I lay awake just wishing I'd cry or shed a tear
I'm not fine, I'm not okey
This hollow mood on my face
Say need space when I'm locked inside my room I just wanna fade
Every single night I lay awake just wishing I'd try to end my pain
I'm not alright, say I'm okey
This emptiness from my pain say need space I don't wanna feel again
I grew up in a broken home with an abusive drug addict father but he can't help it
His spinal fluid is lacking
And a alcoholic controlling mother but she can't help it her mind is using the backseat
It's not her it's the wine
With a sister who self-harms nearly every day from her panic attacks
Cause she don't know how to cope when her manic gets bad but
Shit
Who am I to judge
A BPD, IE, anxiety ridden to
Pen and paper, yup
I can't help it either I guess
The sun will rise over the field again
And all of these songs the illusion to my life
Cause now you see I'm not
Ready yet