ATTENTION SHOPPERS!
Attention 9 to 5 folk, cell-phone masses
The up and coming classes
ATTENTION!
Sports-utility, plastic-surgery suburbanites
Viagra-popping, Gucci-shopping urbanites
ATTENTION!
George Clooney loonies
Promise Keeper sheep
Stockbroker sleepwalkers
Big investment talkers
Ricki Lake watchers
ATTENTION!
Walmart congregation
Shop 'til you drop generation
ATTENTION NATION!
AMERICA'S ON SALE!
We've unstocked the welfare pantry
To restock the Wall Street gentry
It's economically elementary
Because values don't pay
Yes, American dreams are on permanent layaway
(There was limited availability anyway)
The Statue of Liberty's being dismantled
Ten dollars a piece to sit on your mantle
Or hang on your wall
By the small Somalian child
You bought from Sally Struthers
Sisters and brothers, it's now or never
This deals won't last forever
AMERICA'S ON SALE!
(Restrictions may apply if you're black, gay or female)
AND SHOPPERS
Global perspective is 99% off
'Cause most of the world don't count to us
Our ethic inventory is low
'Cause moral business has been slow
The value company is moving to Mexico
And ALL ETHICS MUST GO!
It's a... remote control America that's on sale
'Cause standing up for justice can't compare
To clicking through it from a lazy chair
Answer: Jerry, Montel, Oprah
Question...? Folks who really care!
For a million dollars!
In this new McVeggie burger world order
Where national health care is 100% off!
And Medicare is in the 50% bin
So you can buy... half an operation
When AMERICA'S ON SALE!
There's a close-out bid to determine which religion will win
All those neon flashing signs of sin
The Christian Coalition's bidding high
Shoppers, you ask "Why?!"
Who needs a Higher Power
When you've got the purchasing power
To corner and market one human mold?
That's right! Real family values are being UNDERSOLD!
And it's open hunting season for the NRA!
There's a special Uzi discount... only today!
Gun control?!
We say... Fuck it! Blow it all away!
'Cause inflation's up on the CEO ego
And power is deflated... as far as you go
'Cause Nike bought the revolution
And law schools bought the Constitution
Tommy Hilfiger bought the red, white, and blue
A flag shirt for fifty dollars
The one being burned is... you!
Marlboro bought what it means to be a man
Lexus equals power, so get it while you can
Maybelline bought beauty
New York's buying Rudy
Mastercard Gold bought the national soul
Broadway bought talent and called it... CATS!
The Republicans bought out the Democrats
They liquidated all asses in a fat white donkey sale
Now it's buy one shmuck, get one shmuck free
In the Capitalist party!
And there's nothing left to get in the way
Of a full blue-light blow-out
Of the U.S. of A!
There's a no-nothing back guarantee
A zero-year warranty
When you buy this land of the Fritos, Ruffles, Lays
This home of the braves, the chiefs, the reds, the slaves
So call 1-800-I-Don't-Care-About-Shit
To receive your credit for the fate of our nation
Call now! Interest is at an all-time low
But hurry shoppers!
Because America's being downsized, citizens
And you're all FIRED!