I pet him when I'm ready and he loves you when he's done.
He's oh so furry and he's on the run.
He promises me nothing and provides very little.
Never owned boots and never played the fiddle.
He can choose to kill me, but he chooses not.
When he makes up his mind, he cannot be stopped.
He stares at me continuously as if wants to say
Something profound that he can not relay.
Didn't pick you 'cause I liked you. It's 'cause you were there.
It's like all you produce is hair.
So much hair.
#1 cat in America You hit me with a headache all I ever breathe is fur.
I'd ask your advice, but all you ever do is purr.
Why is your head so itchy? Uh huh.
Why won't you let me pet your belly?
Is that a smile or a frown face?
You're so clean - why keep the eye boogers?
You're drooling - are you thinking of sandwiches too?
Communicate. Uh huh.
Just tell me what you want. Uh Huh.
Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it.
#1 cat in America Not interested in boxes or plastic sacks,
Never played keyboard or DJ scratch,
Looks like a pirate after taking long naps,
When disturbed by a noise looks pissed perhaps.
Internet fame is not in the cards.
Craps indoors and not in the yard.
You get happy paws that massage and fluff
Bread dough this gets us never enough.
Keep kneading my belly.
'Cause I kinda need you.
When you get puffy tail, it's hilarious.
#1 cat in America Because you're the number one cat in America . . .