Humans don't cause climate change It's aliens disguised as farmers on a cattle range We rear more cows than earth can sustain Because aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate We rear them to abduct them, it's just always been this way We don't ask why you drink their milk or have to worship steak We know we'll destroy this world, raising cows this way But aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate But one day my favourite cow entered me Entered my mind by telepathy And he said Could you make robocows that don't release methane? And how about VR emulations of a cow's gaze? Then he mind moo'd a thought that would never leave my brain Do aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate? Why can't aliens just make alien love? We are staring down the barrel of our own ray guns So I tried using cows a little less everyday When you find aliens you love, you leave the cows to graze There is no better planet in this sector of space So let's just probe some humans and give the cows a break