When I first met you, you were perfect
I couldn't believe how perfect you could be
But over the years you've gotten perfecter
And with smug satisfaction look down your perfect nose at me
Now, I can read the writing on the wall
I know our relationship's in danger
And before you know it, I'll be all alone again
And you'll become a perfect stranger
After you've gone, no one can tell me how to act
I'll do exactly as I please
After you've gone
I'll be my own man as soon as I can get up off my knees
The minute you go stepping out that door
I'll throw my socks and underwear all over the floor
After you've gone, the lawn will be a jungle
Call me Tarzan and I'll call you gone
After you've gone, I'll leave the toilet seat up
I'll stop recycling and start smoking cigarettes
After you've gone, there'll be a holiday
I'll take my Keough Plan to Reno and invest
I'll shave and leave my whiskers in the sink
No, I'll stop shaving, I'll grow a beard
That's what I think. After you've gone
If you think I'll miss you, you'll be wrong, baby, after you've gone
♪
After you've gone, your precious potted plants will DIE
They'll turn to sticks and twigs and dirt
After you've gone, I'll be a bachelor again
I'll order double helpings of dessert
My buds Curly, Moe and Larry will be welcome here
When you and all your potpourri have disappeared
After you've gone
I'll have more closet space to take your place after you've gone
Nothing can take your place
I'll have more closet space after you've gone