When I first met you, you were perfect I couldn't believe how perfect you could be But over the years you've gotten perfecter And with smug satisfaction look down your perfect nose at me Now, I can read the writing on the wall I know our relationship's in danger And before you know it, I'll be all alone again And you'll become a perfect stranger After you've gone, no one can tell me how to act I'll do exactly as I please After you've gone I'll be my own man as soon as I can get up off my knees The minute you go stepping out that door I'll throw my socks and underwear all over the floor After you've gone, the lawn will be a jungle Call me Tarzan and I'll call you gone After you've gone, I'll leave the toilet seat up I'll stop recycling and start smoking cigarettes After you've gone, there'll be a holiday I'll take my Keough Plan to Reno and invest I'll shave and leave my whiskers in the sink No, I'll stop shaving, I'll grow a beard That's what I think. After you've gone If you think I'll miss you, you'll be wrong, baby, after you've gone ♪ After you've gone, your precious potted plants will DIE They'll turn to sticks and twigs and dirt After you've gone, I'll be a bachelor again I'll order double helpings of dessert My buds Curly, Moe and Larry will be welcome here When you and all your potpourri have disappeared After you've gone I'll have more closet space to take your place after you've gone Nothing can take your place I'll have more closet space after you've gone