If it was raining whiskey by the shot And you could keep all of it that you caught As sure as little piggy's tails are pork I'd be standing holding nothing but a fork 'Cause a one-legged man is bound to fail If he tries to win a prize at kicking tails That's the same lopsided odds that I keep bucking If I married a hooker she'd quit ...? If I were shipwrecked on some desert isle Whith a hundred horny women running wild Before they'd run their fingers through my hair I'd probably fall asleep and wake up queer