You've probably seen me hanging around
I'm a very familiar face in this town
A day doesn't go by that I don't meet
A lot of my friends walking down the street
I'm never too busy to stop by the way
And I've always got something pleasant to say
Maybe some perceptive thoughts about the weather
Or the latest news from Wall Street, whatever
I could stand around all day making small talk
Gushing platitudes, blocking the sidewalk
Tying people up for hours with ease
My one big talent is shooting the breeze
When they start to squirm, I really get going
But only my happy-face smile is showing
Why can't they see what I'm trying to hide
I'm bustin' a gut, laughing on the inside
It's in their smile when they say hello
I can see they think I'm a little bit slow
But after a while with me, they look dazed
Their eyes covered with a donut glaze
I really start to cook when I see that look
I hit 'em with every cliche in the book
Their knees wobble and they start to weave
It's like they're begging for permission to leave
They think they are having a brush with stupidity
I don't laugh, even though it's killing me
Watching them wilt like day old flowers
Ticking off the minutes as they turn to hours
They are wondering how much more they can take
I give 'em a friendly smile and a handshake
We say goodbye very politely
Now say hello to the killer inside me
Everybody has their doubts about my sanity
But nothing happens 'cause they all feel sorry for me
I've got the whole town under my thumb
And all I've gotta do is keep acting dumb
"Oh that boy Lou" they say "what a guy
A little on the slow side but wouldn't hurt a fly
"And such a gentleman"
"Oh yes I know, he sure can talk your ear off though"
I tip my hat and pretend I don't hear
Grinning like a half wit from ear to ear
I can think of a thousand ways to say hello
So I start through 'em all, and go real slow
They listen hard, and act like they care
How can they be so completely unaware
Of the truth the answer is always denied me
So I introduce them to the killer inside me