I went on a date
She was such a beautiful girl
I knew right away that she could be my whole world
But my hopes went away
When she took off and said
"I'll never call you again"
So here's some tips for you
To know if she's into you
Just so that you understand
If she leaves the table while you're talking
That probably means
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she shows you pictures of her boyfriend
That surely means
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she tells you that you're looking so good
When you know she's blind
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she breaks up with you
Before you even ask her out
She's not interested
She's not interested
This date was so sad
It belongs in a graveyard (easily forgotten)
She just went away and let me pay the bill afterwards
(It was an expensive bill, too)
I don't know what I did wrong
So there's no point in this song
I don't know where to begin
(Where to begin)
I am teaching you things
Even though I know nothing
(But still, here are some more suggestions)
If she tells you that you're such a great friend
That probably means
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she sets you up with her gay friend
That surely means
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she brings her kids along
Knowing that you're infertile
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she jerks off another guy
Looking you straight in the eyes
She's not interested
She's not interested
♪
Well, I hope this will help you for your future dates
Most of these things are not really obvious anyways
So it's about time someone finally pointed them out
Thank me later
But for now, let me give you some more tips
And here they come
If she sits at another table
Pretending she doesn't know you
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she pretends to be deaf
But still answers the waiter
She's not interested (hello)
She's not interested (hello)
If she invents teleportation
Just to get out of here
She's not interested
She's not interested
If she marries your father
And tells you to clean your room (wait, what?)
She is your mother
She is your mother